I was in pain, and no one seemed to care enough to actually hear me. I was running out of money at and couldn’t find a job. I just wanted him to listen to me, not talk at me.
I could’ve told him that as a 13-year-old who’d never had a drop of alcohol, but now I was in those crosshairs, as though he wanted to drive to Baltimore and perform a séance with me. Taking a drunk person to church, reading Bible verses at a drunk person…these are futile acts of desperation. She would nod off in the pew like a heroin addict overdosing then coming to.īeing a recovering alcoholic and drug addict, I know better. I remember the three of us going to church together at the height of her active addiction, some time in 1987. Exactly what he did with my Mom when she was drunk. He told me he’d drive up to Baltimore to read the Bible with me. My drinking, of course, got worse the minute he said that. My dad told me to find Jesus and go to an AA meeting (some of you may agree with him - I did not).
I was drinking myself to death and hemorrhaging money. “It doesn’t even matter how hard you try.” I had no rudder, nowhere to go.
For my part I was clingy and insecure, which always helps.įive days after I moved, she decided she “needed some space.” Two months later, my job let me go. Her father even called her out on it once which was pretty funny. I really loved this person, but she had fallen for an older co-worker with more life experience and more money. She and I had dated long distance for over a year and I was tired of the long drives from North Carolina to Maryland. I was living in Baltimore the first time I heard “In The End.” I had moved there in March of 2001 for a relationship and a job.
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